On Statistics: Unconventional Definitions

“Statistics: The mathematical theory of ignorance.” (Morris Kline)

“Statistics: Fiction in its most uninteresting form.” (Evan Esar, “Esar's Comic Dictionary”, 1943)

“Statistics: The science that can prove everything except the usefulness of statistics.” (Evan Esar, “Esar's Comic Dictionary”, 1943)

“Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.” (Evan Esar, “Esar's Comic Dictionary”, 1943)

“Statistics: Data of a numerical kind looking for an argument.” (Evan Esar, “Esar's Comic Dictionary”, 1943)

“[Statistics] It is concerned with things we can count.” (Maurice S Bartlett, “Essays on Probability and Statistics”, 1962)

Statistics: The art of dealing with vagueness and with interpersonal difference in decision situations” (Leonard J Savage, “The Foundation of Statistics”, 1954)

“Statistics are the art of stating in precise terms that which one does not know.” (William Kruskal, “Statistics, Moliere, and Henry Adams”, American Scientist Magazine, 1967) [Link]

“Statistics are the refuge of the uninformed.” (Audrey Haber & Richard P Runion, “General Statistics”, 1973)

“Statistics is ’hocuspocus’ with numbers.” (Audrey Haber & Richard P Runion, “General Statistics”, 1973)

“Statistics are the art of lying by means of figures.” (Wilhelm Stekel, “Marriage at the Crossroads”, 1931)

“Statistics: 1. A form of lying that is neither black, white, nor color. 2. An attempt to analyze data-rare and archaic. 3. A disorderly, but not quite random, progress from datum to datum.” (David Durand, “A Dictionary for Statismagicians”, The American Statistician, Vol. 24, No. 3, 1970)