On Statistics: Twisted Statistics

“Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive.” (William W Irwin)

“It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.” (Fletcher Knebel, 1961)

"If a man stands with his left foot on a hot stove and his right foot in a refrigerator, the statistician would say that, on the average, he’s comfortable." (Walter Heller)

“[…] the question ‘How many legs does a normal man have?’ should be answered by finding a statistical average. And since some men have only one leg, or none, this would lead inevitably to the conclusion that a ‘normal’ man is equipped with one and some fraction legs.” (Joseph W Krutch, “Human Nature and the Human Condition”, 1959)

“It is a well-known statistical paradox that the average age of women over forty is under forty…” (Morris J Slonim, “Sampling in a Nutshell, 1960)

“The statistics on insanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's got to be you." (Rita Mae Brown) [in: Susan Musgrave, “Musgrave Landing: Musings on the Writing Life”, 1994)

“Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 2.” (MaryAnne Tebedo)

“It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.” (S. den Hartog)

“If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will.” (Paul Harvey)

“According to the statistics, a man eats a prune every twenty seconds. I don't know who this fellow is, but I know where to find him.” (Morey Amsterdam)

“'Statistics' show that 66% of clients are cured with psychotherapy; what statistics don't show is that 72% are cured without it.” (Thomas Szasz)